‘Twas the Night Before Christmas’ by Catriona Hare

‘Twas the week before Christmas’, on the A55,
and a cold wind was blowing, ‘twas a grim, icy drive.
The kayaks were taken from car rooves with care,
But Keith said the open boat must stay up there.

The paddlers were nestled all snug in their kit,
and in the car shuttle to Menai did sit,
towards Y Felinheli, as they put on their coats,
then into the following sea launched their boats.

There out on the sea there was no need to paddle,
As the wind blew them forwards they had to skedaddle,
On the south of the strait they continued to hide,
‘til they noticed the waves on the opposite side.

The tide turned against us before the bridge crossing
and the wintery waves were rolling and tossing,
when, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but two lifeboat crews training and practicing near.

With Herculean effort, heroic and fast,
We managed to pass under the bridge at last,
We sheltered and eddy-hopped up the south side,
Until the tide beat us and we started to backslide.

“Now, Keith! Now, Ian! Now, Carl! Now, Dom!
On, COME on Catriona, we need to go on!
To ferryglide tidewards to the far parkside wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

The tide pushed as back we paddled on hard,
Earning our dinner with every yard,
So we managed to cross over the great divide
As the kayaks pushed forward against the strong tide.

And then, in the twinkling eddies we went
back down to the bridge, feeling utterly spent,
and then under that bridge we were forced to turn round,
as down that bleak strait the tide came with a bound.

The water was fast and ferocious—good grief!
So we all had to portage (all other than Keith);
We stopped for a short rest and nibbled some snacks
before clambering right back into our kayaks.

Then the sea became calm beside the Menai slip,
as Carl stopped for a break and then ended his trip.
The rest paddled on at a thunderous pace,
past wrecked boats and islands to the end of the race.

Then at last we returned, but we gritted our teeth,
as foolish Catriona got stuck on a reef;
With broad grinning faces and little round bellies,
Keith and Ian helped me laughing back into the swellies.

The salt wind in our faces was showing its strength
As we paddled on hard for the remaining length;
In the blink of an eye we were back at the bay,
Feeling satisfied at the end of a good day.

And then finally back to Llandudno to eat,
where we met with the useless wimps who’d had cold feet,
And then pulling our bangless recyclable crackers,
We all bantered and joked and insulted the slackers.

Then we left in our cars at the end of the night
And away we all drove with a gale to fight,
But I heard all exclaim, ere we drove out of sight,
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!